23. Pansexual. Mentally Ill. So Many Fandoms So Little Time. Potential New Friends Come At Me!
Nothing is sweeter than a SkullyMuffin
You can miss how you felt on top of the world when you experienced mania without missing the highs and lows of dealing with bipolar disorder.
You can miss the relief and numbness you felt right after you cried without missing the pain of dealing with depression.
You can miss the brave, courageous way you felt when you acted on impulses without missing the instability of living with bpd.
You can miss the innocent, child-like way you viewed the world when you were dissociated without missing the mental illness that caused it.
You can miss the friendly voices that were nice to you without missing schizophrenia.
You can miss the discipline you had with yourself without missing the anguish that comes from an eating disorder.
You can miss the calming sensation that came after you took your medication during a panic attack without missing your anxiety or panic disorder.
You can miss certain things about the person or event that abused you or caused you trauma without wanting to be with that person again, or relive that event.
You can miss certain characteristics about yourself when you were ill without missing the actual illness.
Nobody wants to glorify mental illness, but it’s true that when we were in the thick of it, those types of symptoms or behavior did make us feel good in some type of way, no matter for how long, or else we wouldn’t have been doing it for so long.
Missing certain parts of your illness is valid. It’s okay to feel however you feel. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay to fall back into your old patterns.
You worked HARD to get to where you are now. Are you going to throw that all away just for the chance to feel one part of a huge picture again?
It’s okay to be scared and feel strange about getting better. It’s like being a deer that was just born…trying to balance on her new legs, but feeling really shaky about it because it’s new and unfamiliar.
That doesn’t mean she’ll never learn to walk…it just means she’s still learning how.
(via skullymuffin)
Literally anyone in my life: *is upset or aloof*
Me: they probably just have something going on in their life that has them feeling this way
My brain: it’s your fault
Me: shit you’re right
The thing about being a self-aware borderline is that you’re a living contradiction.
It’s like “so, i’m completely aware of how irrational and clingy and stupid i sound and i know you don’t actually hate me, bUT DO YOU HATE ME?”
Or “yes, this was a very minor issue and i shouldn’t really be angry about bUT IM GONNA PUNCH A WALL BC RAGE”
And I think, in a way, being self-aware makes it very hard to talk about because you know how irrational you’re being and you know how other people will think you’re weird or wrong or unstable and it sucks.
(via skullymuffin)
so the other day I was animating Wonder Tweek and I noticed he had middle finger hands in his rig, and I temporarily lost the ability to function
me: i feel unloved
brain: i know!! how about you don't talk to Anyone and wait for them to notice and give you attention
me: yes! a great idea
